purple hamster

mmmmmm.... working on a recipes database makes me hungry

it's a graded assignment, but i've never had so much fun! *okay, i'm not going to do well, cuz forcing an assignment to be fun isn't always wise, but the upside is that i can use it even after my work has been handed up* but mmmm... the best research i've ever done.

anyone got any good recipes for me?

*munch* i think it's jam making time now =P

the happiest time of my life

at least so far.

i love ben.
he loves me.

it's like a curry puff. you have to keepy pinching the edges to make it stick together but once you're fried, it's golden.

just have to wait till we're in hot oil =P

His hello was the end of her endings,
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle.
His hand would be hers to hold forever,
His forever was as simple as her smile.
An ocean couldn't prevent it,
A New York minute wouldn't let it pass.
Does the universe decide for us,
Which love will fade and which will last?
He said she was what was missing,
She said instantly she knew.
She was a question to be answered,
And his answer was, "I do."

-anon

i wanna come hooooooooooooome

just a shout to say yes i'm fine. need some space/time right now.

sometimes it is possible to be disappointed even if you knew it was bound to happen, that it will never be enough, and that how painful it would be to be too attached to a person.
-waisan april 18 2005


so much pain, for so much love.

it's funny that people see the catalyst, not the issue. a million billion lightyears could go by, and they still don't see the pain. pain is anger, not frustration? not from this side of my face.

i'm just... crumbling i guess.
it's so easy to have people tell you things, to drown in an ocean of white noise.
everyone's trying to help, but if you don't really understand what the real issue is.

i need you. this so-called thing with dylan's nothing, but what i have with you is nothing too if you don't understand that it's not dylan.

Light In Your Eyes
-Blessid Union Of Souls

I can't remember the last time that we kissed goodbye
All our "I love you's" were just not enough to survive
Something your eyes never told me
But it's only now too plain to see
Brilliant disguise when you hold me
And I'm free
I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude
Sometimes the distance is more than two people can use
But how could I have known girl
It was time and not space you would need
Darling tonight I could hold you and you would know
But would you believe
There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
There's a place in your heart where I used to be
Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me
Cards and phone calls and photograph pictures of you
Constant reminder of all the things you get used to
Is there a chance in hell or heaven
That there's still something here to build on
Or do you just pick up the pieces after they fall
But after all
There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
And a song in the words that you spoke to me
Was I wrong to believe in your melody
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me
Should I keep on waiting or does love keep on fading away
Fading away
It's been a while since I've seen you so how have you been
Did you get my letter I wrote you, but I did not send
I tried to call your old number
But the voice that I heard on the phone
I recognized but she told me the number was wrong
There's a light in my eyes but it's too bright to see
And a pain in my heart where you used to be
Guess I was wrong to assume that you were waiting here for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me

how do you know that the hurt will stop?
how do you know that the sun will rise?

it's like being pushed. someone's pushing you one way, another one's pulling you in the same way, but you try and you try and you try to run in the other direction. cuz that's where you want to go. and then when you do ask for help, they stop and say that it's been there all along. but when you're lost in a big world, where there's no space for mistakes and no comfort cept for the ones you leave behind, you do need their help. it doesn't get easier, it gets harder.

we ask too much we give too little. we're like the army, we sign you up, take everything and leave you nothing. yes, you're right. we whine and whinge and get so terribly confused that we yell and scream that you're not give us what we need.

but that's why i love you and i trust you. when the hurricanes start and my world disappears, you always make things right. why am i insecure? cuz people get tired of picking up the broken pieces, and fixing them together. like you have before. and my love is just... love. why does size, colour, distance, brains and more become an issue? because i still stop and marvel at the fact that you love me. love is just love, it can't stop the world and it can't do anything. and that's all i have.

i'm like a child. i always am and always will. i'm not the woman who can change the world, i'm the girl who stays home and wonders what life has to give. i want to be so much, but all my adventure and all my desire is very firmly rooted in love. too romantic, too airy-fairy, too damn childish. i'm sorry. i'd love to be able to be confident, trust and stop doubting. it's not really that easy to live with insecurity. if i could make it go away, trust me i would.

but i can't. i'm so sorry, but i can't. why do i need the reminders, it's been years and years and years. but it's what i live for. you are right, you do need space. but i need to know how much, and i need to know details. space to? live your own life? have dinner? time and space are the two hardest words for girls like me to hear. simply because we think differently from you. and too much.

rence, it's not the uni that's hard for us. that's just a cover. it's leaving our innocence, knowing that we have to look out for ourselves. maybe we expect too much, but being looked after and treasured is so important to us. some women just can't be independant. call it lazy, say that we don't want to. but when once you rushed to pick us up and hold us tight, you now look and say, oh well, we've been through much worse, it's about time you learnt. you have bmt, we need bwmt, basic without men training. walking through fire is nothing compared to learning to love the man that your boy has become. we're so proud of you, we wished we were a part of that something that suddenly makes you a man. yes it does, and we don't know or understand why. something almost magical happens after your posting, you grow up overnight and we don't understand it. the torture of the whole experience is something that some girls actually want to understand. not because it's torturous, or we have something to prove, but because it makes all the difference in the world. you can call a girl a lady, or a woman, but the difference between a boy and a man is so vast. and we're afraid that you've become so strong and manly, that why do you need us. girls like me need to be needed. in need, we find purpose.

the light of fires fade in the winter.
and it's so damn long to spring.

i'm so sorry.

frangipani fallen star
wandering the distance far
light a fire in my soul
golden star shine never old

frangipani morning kiss
dissolution of tears to bliss
the endless whorl of petals met
dance your light with all your might

*blinks*

hmmoz.

i'm schleepy. very very schleepy. it's cool and rainyish, perfect for sleeping...

and i have nothing to do. we're in physics doing research, but i've done verything that needs doing and i need to actually read the research, but am too sleepy to start and too tempted tby the computer to logoff.

*cat stretch* and i'm bored.

it's been a tough day, and it's only 11.42am. but i'm getting there

my reports are slowly taking shape. doing one on hearing aids, one on desalination and one on clinical child psycho. so far anyways. i couldn't find any chemistry related to speech path, anyone got any ideas? altho desalination's pretty cool, NEwater is definately something that i can talk about and give people samples of, =P. definately gonna get their attention.

i'm less stressed now. that's always a good thing ain't it?

it was a cold and sleepy night...

suddenly, nothing happened!

nite folks....

it's here! i've got a gpa of 7.0 (meaning i got 5 7s) *Breathe*

anyone wanting to see the proof, i'm trying to figure out how to make the link work.

now on to semester 2...

ahh the joys of clean clothes. fresh whites hot from the dryer, yada yada yada. it's damn annoying to have to wait once in 2 weeks to do your damn laundry cuz the washer/dryer's always full of someone else's clothes that sit there in the dryer for 5 days. and it's the same load of clothes.

on to more pressing issues: realistically i think the results should be out sometime today. irrationally, i think they should have been out like, 4 days ago. or even at midnight BST (brisbane standard time) even paychecks are more sensible! argh. oh well i just realised i have 23 tutorial questions and a bunch of textbook questions as well as a physics homework file due in 30 mins. yes people, i am a genuis.

while at andrea's, i picked this up:

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so. You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth

it's 6.23 on a friday morning and my damn results are still not out. grrrrr.. and i can't sleep cuz visions of 4s are dancing in my head.

to pass the time, i'll add a break down of how the marking scheme goes...
(grrrrr.... i just spent the last 10 mins trying to insert a table, only to find out blogger doesn't accept the damn table.)

it's basically that a high distinction is 85% and above (awarded a grade 7) and a distinction is 75% to 84% (grade 6). the rest follow down the line. (esp for everyone from good ole sunny singapore, where a 7 is an unimaginable horror)

so 4s are an almost fail. realistically speaking the only subject i might get a 4 in is physics, cuz the paper was so darn hard. however, someone who took the same paper in may scored a 6 and she's from the same singaporean system that's nurtured my tender mind =P but then again... *sigh*

the upside is that vico, mr i'm-too-cool-for-school, has i think 2 5s and 2 6s with one grade pending. i think. and i have to have done better then that right? i mean, i'm an ies-reknown mugger. complete with batteries and caffiene, textbooks not included. grr. that's what 2 sleepless nights does to the mind i tell ya.

hmmmoz. it's now 6:52am and i think my results will be out at 9? i'm thinking that i only have to last until 9 but if the stupid admin doesn't freaking hurry up.... it's worse then the O or A levels. cuz now, most people actually do know their grades, depending on how benevolent their teachers are. at least then we suffered together.

i know i should start on my backlog of emails, but i'm at batty as a crosseyed hag doing counted cross stich (quoted from here) so i'll wait for a better time. or you guys might be getting oodles of nonesense.

after more surfing here it's now 7.37, and still nothing's up. the sun's been out for about 3 hours now. *deflates* i'll just toddle along and do laundry i guess. i hate the wait.