purple hamster

i swear... i need new pants. damn.

i'm exhausted, but i've never been stronger.

thank you for giving me that strength. i'll never be able to give you back fully, what you've given me, but like i told you, all you had to do was ask. i'll be here, no matter where life takes us. through the good times and the bad, you've stood by me, and even when i move in a direction that you don't approve of, you've always guarded my back. i hope that what we have will continue to grow, and i can't wait till may =P

and you. moving forward on shaky ground, i'm overwhelmed. let's take the next dance slow, ok?

oh god, for a safe place to lay my head. preferably soft, and with a guy who will watch over me *evil grin*

it's been an eventful week. anna's having fun, i hope, and i'm having fun getting to know her. =) a true, no agenda friend, someone who just wants to be friends with me, cuz. i'm so thankful for you sweetheart! =) all the indian sweets, the feasting, the fun and laughter, have all been worth it!

i've learnt alot about friendship i guess. i always do when i'm down. must be the pms. i'm seriously rollercoasting. but you know who you are. i just hope that we can heal our rift, like so many others that i've had to in this past age.

and you. i'm glad that we can talk. i want to talk it all out, something i've always been afriad to do, cuz you never did like to talk to me, imo. like a vision on a dark and stormy night, this has given hope. enternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

out damned spot, out.

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

hmmmz...

it's been a mixed bag of jellyfish the past week.

i think i ramble too much. i'm afraid of quiet, so i tend to talk over people. this has got to stop. it started as a way to distracct you from your problems, but it's taken over and become a full-blown obsession. SUAL is my new motto. i know that this is what has caused you the hardest grief, but i guess... if you really accecpted me, you'd talk to me about it, and not just try and ignore it.

i also wanna thank you for being patient. you've shown me love even tho i was never yours to worry about, and you've jeopardised so much to be there for me when i needed you. i don't think i ever thanked you enough, and i really wish you all the best. times spent with you remind me that the good guys do win (hopefully) and i wish you all the best with her! friends are better than lovers =)

i'm floating on thin ice. i want so many, conflicting things, in the end i have no real idea of what i want.

if health is wealth, i really must be a begger.

on a different note, does anyone know how to fix the silly template that keeps pushing my taggie to the bottom?

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

a wise and dear friend once said

"in everything, there is an inherent beauty, and glory, and one of our
purpose in life would be to bring out that beauty in us to brighten up the
darkness of the world"

My name is gossip.
I have no respect for justice
I main without killing
I break hearts and ruin lives
I am cunning and malicious
and gather strenght with age.
The more i am quoted, the more i am believed.
My Victims are helpless.
They cannot protect themselves against me
because i have no name and no face.
To track me down is impossible
The harder you try, the more elusive i become.
I am nobody's friends.
Once I tarnish a reputation, it's never the same.
I topple governments and wreck marriages.
I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights,
heartaches and indigestion.
I make innocent people cry in their pillows.
Even my name hisses.
I am called gossip.
I make headlines and headaches.
Before you repear a story, ask yourself:
Is it true? Is it harmless?
Is it necessary?
If it isn't, don't repeat it.

hmmmz... i never realized how much it really rains in singapore until today. now i know why australia is going through drought.

bittersweet day. i have happy thoughts, but i also have very sad ones. i wonder how is it i could have been so blind as to not have seen some things before, but now it's glaringly obvious, because you only think that i am young and foolish, and i was. i was desperate to love you, and to keep you, and i'm tired of dancing to your tune. stop acting like a victim, and stop telling me what to do.

onwards... hmm.. i never realised *just how* much a shopaholic my mother was. thank god i have gifts to by for the brissies, or i'd just have gone berserk! honestly, i have no idea what is singaporean enough to bring home... i really am a queenslander now i guess.

thanks shih for understanding my mood last night. that's more than words to me.

food for thought:

" They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. "

"We never said our love was evergreen, or as unchanging as the sea. But if you can find a momnet, stop and think of me."

new year's was ~amazing~! *wink*

firstly, lunch with you was... special. i think that we have both grown and matured alot over the past year (or half year) but your sweetness and sensitivity has only gotten more pronounced. i'm so pround to call you my friend, and i hope that we get many more chances for yesterday to happen before i fly away. thank you for proving to me that i came back for a reason.

annnnd.... thanks rency, for bringing me to the most outstnading salsa party ever. i have never had so many good dances in my life! the people were amazing and friendly, and the music out of this world (the best of union music i swear) and... the people! they accepted me, no questions asked, and danced with me, and treated me like an equal. something that i searched so hard to find in my past life (didn't you know that i was cleopetra reborn? lolx) but seriously, it was the bomb! altho i wished for alot of things over the past week, the party soothed alot of wounds with it's spicy salsa, and altho it stung at first, it's touch was surprisingly gentle after that. thanks for teaching me bachata, and for letting me in on an amzing bunch of people! i hope to see you guys at union (on tuesday! haha) and for more late night suppers. a new year, a new start right? i'm just a little dissapointed that i can't join in the classes... nvm, we'll see how k?

altho i had some terrifying news, this is no longer how i chose to lead my life, altho i must confess that i am worried. i pray for you, and i will continue to do so, not to make you like who you were, but that you will be safe, and watch your back. just as the you used to tell me when we were little.

on a side note, i ate the best hokkien mee since i came back.

okay, off to crystal jade for more feasting! my happy little (or not so little) secret will wait aye rence? but that's enough to give me both joy and courage.

happy 2006 everyone. may everyone have good health, wealth, prospects and opportunities. be happy, fruitful, and humble, for then we will all grow as one!