i know i said this was the last post until the 23rd of december. so i lied. shoot me.
i'm at centro tweed, at the edge of the outback. and i'm holding up well.
i feel... different. i know that my story will only be known to a few, and understood by none. too many people have asked, and not understood, that explaining only gets in the way.
and since it's almost christmas and the new year, i thought that i'd do my new year's reflections and resolutions now, since when i come home, i'll be too busy running... getting over my life.
it's been an eventful year. i'm so proud of myself, i've grown so much, and accomplished so much in my life, this year, and overcome so many difficulties. like relapse, like working, like so many many things that i've done, i've come through stronger. i've worked hard and achieved grades that i'm proud of, made it into the degree that i've wanted, and really really done everything on an amibitious level that i've wanted. i may not have played as much as i wanted, but i've done things and gone places that once upon a time i would have never dared to. i can only hope that with every new years' i can sit and reflect, and feel as proud of my accomplishments as i do today. i've sacrificed so much to do this, that brooding about it only makes me wonder if it was worth it. i don't think it was. but that's another tale for another time.
on a personal level, i've had to let go of someone who ment and still means alot to me. Ben has been such a big part (and priority) in my life, that it's really hard to comprehend losing him. although i really don't know what it was that i did, i respect his decision, and i just hope that he'll be happy with his choices that only he and i know about. we still are friends, and maybe with time, i'll understand why.
i've also had to say goodbye to so many people. it's hard to understand how/why the hurt hits so suddenly, but i understand that when it's time to go, it's time to go. i can only hope that when it's my time, i will go with as much diginity, grace and respect that those who have gone before me have.
with my friends, i just thank God for each and everyone of you. many of you have given me support in the painful times, and celebrated with me my successes. when i was confused to cleared the air, and when i hurt, you soothed me. i only hope that with my new life, i will never make you feel out of touch, beacuse you all still make (and rock) my world.
my resolutions:
i have never hid any of my feelings, and i will not start to do so now. everything that i struggle with, every thing that has caused me hurt, is explored in this blog. i am not a girl who believes that hiding emotions makes one stoic, i believe that by truthfulness and self-discovery, one learns to be stronger. i have my story, and i will not apologise for it.
i'm at centro tweed, at the edge of the outback. and i'm holding up well.
i feel... different. i know that my story will only be known to a few, and understood by none. too many people have asked, and not understood, that explaining only gets in the way.
and since it's almost christmas and the new year, i thought that i'd do my new year's reflections and resolutions now, since when i come home, i'll be too busy running... getting over my life.
it's been an eventful year. i'm so proud of myself, i've grown so much, and accomplished so much in my life, this year, and overcome so many difficulties. like relapse, like working, like so many many things that i've done, i've come through stronger. i've worked hard and achieved grades that i'm proud of, made it into the degree that i've wanted, and really really done everything on an amibitious level that i've wanted. i may not have played as much as i wanted, but i've done things and gone places that once upon a time i would have never dared to. i can only hope that with every new years' i can sit and reflect, and feel as proud of my accomplishments as i do today. i've sacrificed so much to do this, that brooding about it only makes me wonder if it was worth it. i don't think it was. but that's another tale for another time.
on a personal level, i've had to let go of someone who ment and still means alot to me. Ben has been such a big part (and priority) in my life, that it's really hard to comprehend losing him. although i really don't know what it was that i did, i respect his decision, and i just hope that he'll be happy with his choices that only he and i know about. we still are friends, and maybe with time, i'll understand why.
i've also had to say goodbye to so many people. it's hard to understand how/why the hurt hits so suddenly, but i understand that when it's time to go, it's time to go. i can only hope that when it's my time, i will go with as much diginity, grace and respect that those who have gone before me have.
with my friends, i just thank God for each and everyone of you. many of you have given me support in the painful times, and celebrated with me my successes. when i was confused to cleared the air, and when i hurt, you soothed me. i only hope that with my new life, i will never make you feel out of touch, beacuse you all still make (and rock) my world.
my resolutions:
- to learn to love again. just like i have had to learn that once, i have to learn to trust and love again. my life has always revolved around the one i love, and i'm determined not to forget how to try to make someone feel important.
- to learn to be content. to not let my high expectations of myself lead to high expectations of others, because expectations only leads to regret. just becuase you treat someone a certain way, or want to do things to the best of your ability, does not mean that you will be treated in the same manner.
- to learn to please me. i want to learn so many many things, that i refuse to give them up.
- to continue to achieve that which i have never done before. there's always a further star to jump to, a higher goal to reach.
- to learn to be healthy. that's harder for me than most of you think. but i will prevail.
i have never hid any of my feelings, and i will not start to do so now. everything that i struggle with, every thing that has caused me hurt, is explored in this blog. i am not a girl who believes that hiding emotions makes one stoic, i believe that by truthfulness and self-discovery, one learns to be stronger. i have my story, and i will not apologise for it.
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 12:22 PM.
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Be happy! Merry Christmas!!! :)
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